Lonly Journey

Well, I think I'm kind of bad again. Feeling numb the whole day and feeling helpless while trying to do something about it. Feeling so endless empty. I want so hard to escape from this emptiness and this numbness but there is no way for me. I try my best but everytime, when I find a possible way it slides away and the only thing what is left is nothing. I'm used to it. I'm used to it, that I'm not supposed to be happy. I'm not supposed to have any luck in this world. I'm not even supposed to feel, not really. I feel so numb.
I know I'm useless and kind of ugly even if people will tell me the oposite, cause' I know they will never mean it. I'm imperfect, but not perfectly imperfect...just IMPERFECT.
I'm nothing, just USELESS. Just one in a billion.
Boring as hell and ugly as well. "I'm a nobody who wants to be a somebody" but I fail at every try. I know I will never be somebody. One day, I will die and when I look back I will see that I have never been anybody.
The people around me are always lying. They are good liars. They gave me for years the feeling to be kind of special but now I see the truth and the truth is that I'm Nothing. I see that they actually don't care. I'm nothing for everybody just one more problem.
I'm a burden to everyone I know and everyone I talk to...